Don, we're just going to have to agree to disagree. My past experience working in a professional speed shop where we tore down engines and did all the machine work in-house is contrary to what you're being told.
I agree with your statement "they are NOT needed for the vast majority of classic cars that see only occasional pleasure driving" where occasionally means less than 3000 miles a year.
I also agree that they are a must if you intend to do any regular towing or are building a high performance engine.
Where we disagree is when the car is used on a regular basis. In this case you really should install hardened valve seats for the exhaust valves at least. I'll explain why.
In the mid 70's they started making heads using induction hardening so these heads had hardened valve seats straight from the manufacturer and the lack of leaded fuel wasn't an issue for these heads.
The old cast heads, like those used in our 59's, were soft compared to late model heads. Lead acts like a cushion which helped to significantly reduce the wear on the soft valve seats. Remove the lead and your seats will wear much quicker than normal. Most experts say you'll start to see the effects in about 20,000 to 30,000 miles. One of the first signs is a loss in vacuum, rough idle, or uneven vacuum readings.
Lead also helped prevent buildup on the valve seats and the valve head. A lot of the wear and tear is due to material sticking to the stock valves causing an uneven surface on the valve head which in turn causes the seats to wear faster.
Valves rotate ever so slightly as the engine runs. If material sticks to the valve head, as the valve turns it will eventually leave a very small open gap when the valve closes. This gap is what causes the seat to become pitted. Each time the engine fires while that small gap is open, you do additional damage to the valve seats.
If you rebuild your heads and use new valves you may see the effects sooner. I say may because there are 2 factors at play here. Newer valves are harder that the stock valves in our cars. Since the valve seats are soft and you've removed the cushion that lead provides, the seats can wear faster. However, since the new valves are harder it is more difficult for material to stick to the valve head which is what causes pitting in the valve seats. So when running unleaded fuel in our cars, newer valves will wear the valve seats faster but you are less likely to have pitting occur with newer valves.
I'm a firm beleiver that "if you got it, flaunt it". I think these beauties should be out on the street showin' their stuff. Personally, before I fell on hard times, my '59 was my primary driver in the summer months. I put well over 10,000 miles per year on her 3 years in a row including a few cross country trips. I have close to 45,000 on the car since I rebuilt the heads, and I still have the same vacuum readings I had the day after the overhaul. When I rebuilt my heads I put hardened seats in for both intake and exhaust valves and I have no regrets. It was well worth the extra cost.